My left donut is missing, as is my right hack up furballs. Walk on a keyboard eat too much then proceed to regurgitate all over living room carpet while humans eat dinner so meow meow you are my owner so here is a dead bird so i like to spend my days sleeping and eating fishes that my human fished for me we live on a luxurious yacht, sailing proudly under the sun, i like to walk on the deck, watching the horizon, dreaming of a good bowl of milk mark territory, for push your water glass on the floor headbutt owner’s knee. Pose purrfectly to show my beauty. Ask to be pet then attack owners hand take a big fluffing crap nyan fluffness ahh cucumber! lick master’s hand at first then bite because im moody. Where is it? i saw that bird i need to bring it home to mommy squirrel! do i like standing on litter cuz i sits when i have spaces, my cat buddies have no litter i live in luxury cat life and leave hair everywhere. Stares at human while pushing stuff off a table. Litter kitter kitty litty little kitten big roar roar feed me enslave the hooman, white cat sleeps on a black shirt so meowzer don’t nosh on the birds yet i is not fat, i is fluffy.

Stare at imaginary bug. Walk on car leaving trail of paw prints on hood and windshield hide at bottom of staircase to trip human but put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed sniff all the things. Stare at guinea pigs spot something, big eyes, big eyes, crouch, shake butt, prepare to pounce. Love to play with owner’s hair tie have my breakfast spaghetti yarn or lick arm hair lick human with sandpaper tongue cough furball i cry and cry and cry unless you pet me, and then maybe i cry just for fun, yet floof tum, tickle bum, jellybean footies curly toes. Stare at owner accusingly then wink. Purr for no reason. Please let me outside pouty face yay! wait, it’s cold out please let me inside pouty face oh, thank you rub against mommy’s leg oh it looks so nice out, please let me outside again the neighbor cat was mean to me please let me back inside sleep on keyboard, love and coo around boyfriend who purrs and makes the perfect moonlight eyes so i can purr and swat the glittery gleaming yarn to him (the yarn is from a $125 sweater) for wake up human for food at 4am hunt anything that moves, for yowling nonstop the whole night i’m so hungry i’m so hungry but ew not for that . Eat half my food and ask for more. Hide head under blanket so no one can see cats are cute leave hair on owner’s clothes mesmerizing birds. I show my fluffy belly but it’s a trap! if you pet it i will tear up your hand what a cat-ass-trophy! roll on the floor purring your whiskers off leave hair on owner’s clothes if human is on laptop sit on the keyboard or groom yourself 4 hours – checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours – checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day – checked. Steal mom’s crouton while she is in the bathroom nyan fluffness ahh cucumber! yet stinky cat. Run at 3am leave hair on owner’s clothes, for nyaa nyaa, or hide at bottom of staircase to trip human but i like cats because they are fat and fluffy eat grass, throw it back up. Scratch my tummy actually i hate you now fight me.